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Three weeks ago we started a new series entitled, “Destroy the Sandcastle”. Now I know this is an odd title for a series like this, but I have been amazed at the stories I am hearing of how couples are putting some work into building the right foundations in their marriages. It has been encouraging!
In this series we are focusing on 6 keys to building a marriage that will last. As I have said, this is not just a series for married couples, but also for the singles that one day would like to be in a great relationship, for those that have gone through the hurt of divorce as well, you can take these things to build differently next time.
The thing that we need to understand from the outset of this series is that relationships are complicated. Because they are complicated, we need to do everything in our power to make them better. Strong structures cannot be built on a faulty or weak foundation. They can look great like unbelievable Sandcastles at the beach, only to be destroyed by the next wind or wave.
Foundations are the key to success in anything that you will do in life. If you get those right, it doesn’t guarantee that everything will work, but it gives a base to build from. (Elementary School, Middle School, High School, College, Career)
Over the course of this series, it has been my hope and prayer that you are taking some of these thoughts and working on the foundations that your relationships and marriages are built upon.
Matthew 7:24-27 (ESV) 24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”
To this point, we have looked at what intimacy really means in our lives. The idea that closeness and connection are what intimacy, not sex.
We have learned that intimacy is displayed in how we communicate our emotions, the physical touches that we do throughout the week, and even how we navigate our financial foundations.
This week, we are going to talk about one of the most personal foundations that you will build on. That’s because your spiritual life is intensely personal to most of us. We all have a belief system, and how we live that out is very personal.
We have a tendency to take the time to build our own spiritual intimacy with God, but when was the last time that you considered what spiritual intimacy looks like for the two of you in your relationship?
Spiritual Intimacy:
All your religious beliefs and observed religious practices
Praying together
Go to church together
Discuss spiritual questions with one another
When you start walking down a road of spiritual growth in your relationship with someone else, you are going to discover how your life prior to one another really affects this. If you are single here today, you need to know that the special someone you like or even think you love has to be on the same page as you when it comes to spiritual matters.
The bible is very clear about who we connect our lives to…
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (ESV) 14Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15What accord has Christ with Belial?b Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, 18and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
I want to say this very clearly, Christian, you have no business entering into any kind of partnership, whether business or romantic, with someone who does not share your same beliefs. Eventually it will lead to a great fall. Either the relationship will not last, or you will end up not living out your beliefs. It is incompatible to live in covenant with someone who does not share you faith.
2 Corinthians tells us not to do it and then explains it…
-Christ
-Belial (The devil//hebrew word)
Matthew 12:25 (ESV) 25 Knowing their thoughts, he said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand. (Abraham Lincoln used this thought in 1858 Senate Run)
You cannot walk this life together if you are not going for the same goals. It will lead to destruction…the great fall. When it happens, it will be obvious.
This idea of spiritual intimacy is about learning to share your faith, your struggles, and to worship together. That is the foundation for a great marriage! When you are connected spiritually, you will find deeper connection, feel more supported, and aligned with the other.
Spiritual intimacy opens a window to someone’s soul. It’s more than just seeing you go to church or to pray over a meal. It’s being so close to one another in your prayers, your burdens, your victories and even your defeats.
It’s interesting to know that most people never truly share a prayer with someone else. Prayers come from a place of joy, pain, grief, broken heart, comfort and even seeking breakthroughs. It’s why they are intensely personal. It is your heart wide open before God.
Jesus taught us to pray in the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 6:19-23), and we know it as “The Lord Prayer”. He was not saying say these words exactly as I say them, but trying to give them a model to pray. The bible teaches us that our prayers (when done right) are effective and powerful.
James 5:16 (ESV) 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
Prayer is personal because in it is confession. The thing that only we share with those that we trust and believe in. When you become a couple that prays together, it adds another level of intimacy in your life that you will have with anyone else. James said our prayers have power when they are connected to others.
Matthew 18:19 (ESV) 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
Are you seeing a pattern here? When we pray together, there will times of confession, but also, in agreement, our prayer take on another level of power. When you pray together as a couple, it takes on a power to can shift the situations of your life. Praying as a couple has a way of connecting your hearts and sets your vision on something greater than yourself.
When you come together with someone spiritually, you are knitting your lives together in a way that will provide safety and support. It becomes a life line to pull you out of a stuck place when you need it. Spiritual connection changes the dynamic of your lives.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (ESV) 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
There is an image of what two can do that you can’t do on your own. In marriage you are putting something together that will be held together by what you trust in. You can build on your thoughts and ability, or you can invite God to be a part of it. When God is part of this equation of success, you can draw from a supernatural place of strength. God becomes the 3rd Cord to strengthen your relationship when you invite Him to be a part of it.
This is not something that only the husband provides for the household. Marriage is a partnership. Together you all will build something stronger. It takes 2 people to be in partnership and to be real with one another.
Research has shown that marriages that last longer than 20 years, have some commonality between them. The things that they have are things are the 6 foundations that we are discussing. One of the most important indicators of a marriage that is balanced and healthy is one where there is a true faith in God and a spiritual commitment to him.
When we follow the lord together with someone, it provides us with a shared sense of values, ideology, and purpose. But the most profound thing that happens in spiritual intimacy is that we share our soul with someone.
You are trusting them to help you care for your spiritual life. If the person you are with does not share this value, instead of adding to your life, they will take away. Those who take away are thieves…the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy.
How do we build a foundation of spiritual intimacy in our relationships and marriages? It starts with personal responsibility to grow your spiritual life. What you look for is what you develop in yourself.
“Frequency Illusion”…notice specific concepts, words or a product after becoming aware of it.
One of the things I have learned over the years is that I tend to notice what catches my attention. If you buy a new car, you never saw many people with it before you got it. Afterwards, you tend to see them everywhere. They were always there, but you just didn’t notice it because you weren’t trained to see it.
In your relationship, its the same way. To get what you are looking for in a relationship, you need to start with asking yourself what it is you want spiritually in your own life? If you want to connect to a Godly person, you have to become that person yourself.
In a world that shows us that 50% of all marriages end in divorce, you have to be different than everyone else. You’re not gonna get a God-centered marriage by following what everyone else is doing and where they are looking for it.
To be the type of person that you would want to marry and be married to, you have to learn to put God first…not the other person. God should be your #1 and your spouse should become your #2. Your priorities have the be right!
Matthew 22:37-40 (ESV) 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
Your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend cannot become more important than God. The moment them in the place that God is supposed to be, you get them outside of the blessing of God. You must get priorities right to have balance and health in your marriage.
Theres not one of us that don’t want:
Blessed marriage
Great kids
Financial Blessings
Make a difference in this world
But every one of these things are dependent on seeking God first. Seeking God gives us access to other things being added to our lives.
Matthew 6:33 (ESV) But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
People sometimes wonder why they continue to fall into the same traps over and over in life. Maybe find themselves in the same relationships. You get the same results because you seek those things out in your life.
When seek things we find them. If you seek what the world has, you will find them. When seek out God…you will find Him…but more importantly, He will lead you to find all the things that you desire in your life.
So to build a marriage of strength in spiritual intimacy, we seek God first in all things. We start that through PRAYER!
2 Chronicles 7:14 (ESV) if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
BUT IF YOU DON’T SEEK HIM…
7:19-21 (ESV) 19 “But if you[a] turn aside and forsake my statutes and my commandments that I have set before you, and go and serve other gods and worship them, 20 then I will pluck you[b] up from my land that I have given you, and this house that I have consecrated for my name, I will cast out of my sight, and I will make it a proverb and a byword among all peoples. 21 And at this house, which was exalted, everyone passing by will be astonished and say, ‘Why has the Lord done thus to this land and to this house?’
When we pray, healing follows it. It may be spiritual healing, emotional healing, financial healing, physical healing…but it does follow those that seek him.
Spiritual Intimacy is all about seeking God together…We do that by:
Praying together
Reading the word together
Worshipping together
Doing life with God at the forefront
Family Life did a survey that showed that only 8% of Christian couples prayed together regularly. But of the ones that did, less than 1% would go on to be divorced. You see, spiritual intimacy can divorce proof your marriage. You have choice to take your chances with the world 50% in divorce, or to be a praying couple and have a 99% chance at success.
He makes the difference and his also makes our ways straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
When we connect our marriages to the source, it brings a power to do what we can’t. He can work miracles in the midst of a mess.
These marriages we build that are like houses, must have great foundations for them to be strong. God has to be the center of them. If it’s anything else, you are putting your trust in shoddy construction. Everything is is built on Him and by Him that will last. “What God has put together…”
Psalm 127:1 (ESV) Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.
The reality is a marriage license is just a piece of paper. In the world it doesn’t have power to change anything except a legal status. But God puts us in covenant with another. You can’t build a life of righteousness on a foundation of sin. God has to be involved or the house will fall. (Construction, design, maintain)
You may be here today and honestly, have not been walking out a true faith in Christ…it will affect the relationships you have. You need to begin by seeking Him to become what you need to be for someone else. You can kick over the sandcastle and start to rebuild differently. But it will require you to put him First… If Jesus is not your number 1, you can make a change today, no matter where you are in this journey. He can start to make your path straight.